Most of the time, I consider myself an extrovert. Fairly outgoing. Energized by being with other people. Easily able to converse with strangers.
Then there are days like today when I just want to hunker down in the quietest place I can find, as removed as possible from the chaos and babble of the world around me, and soak in the solitude.
And what a lovely soaking it was. Nothing intense, mind you. No deep delving into the Word of God, with my notebook and pen on my right hand and a stack of bible commentaries on my left. (Please don't read anything into the fact that the commentaries are on my left; it's just that I'm quite decidedly right handed and, when I'm seriously dug into bible study, I want my pen in hand, ready to jot down whatever the Lord happens to say to me. Consider it, if you will, an illustration of the "pen of the ready writer". Today wasn't that kind of day, however.)
Today was simply a relaxed time of meandering of the mind, briefly touched by a moment of prayer via IM with a pastor I didn't know but who clearly touched the hem of His garment for me, as tears flowed nearly unstoppable down my face and God touched my heart to its very core. Deep inside, I could feel the Holy Spirit tenderly massaging the week's wear and tear from my soul, as He gently hugged the worn out child within. Lightly, I brushed aside the salty rivulets from my cheeks, as I meditated on how sensitive the Savior was to my bruised heart and spirit. "A bruised reed He will not break," I thought to myself, as the hint of a smile turned my lips slightly upward. Then I spoke. "Dear Lord, it is true. You always understand me, always know what I need, and are sensitive enough not to force Yourself upon me, but to wait upon me for my moment of willingness and to gently part the fragile leaves of my soul, pouring into them, as slowly as I need you to do, the water of Your Word."
Thank you, Lord, for knowing that I am not always the loud and raucous party girl, making her friends and co-workers laugh uproariously, but also the fragile and sensitive flower of a woman, who still needs her Man to care, to listen, to caress.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Where is Ralphie Boy?
Some of you are probably wondering where that bedraggled old guy in the worn out bathrobe with a stogie hanging out of his mouth went from my blog. For better or worse, I deleted him. (I did try to bring him back but, evidently, in my playing with the design of this blog, I totally deleted any ability to put a photo on my page. So, unless I can figure a way out of the mess I've created -- or someone else can help me do so -- his picture is gone, unfortunately, for good ... at least from these pages.)
Here's the reason why: Ralphie Boy freaked out a few people, and got some folks thinking I'd totally fallen off the evangelical bandwagon. One of them even stopped talking to me. (Phew! I knew this blog would get me in hot water with some people, but I never thought they'd stop talking to me in real life. Golly!)
Probably calling him my muse is what got me in so much trouble. You see, in some quarters, muses carry some pretty heavy demonic overtones. I guess I kinda knew that. In fact, yeah, I did. But I thought I'd take the risk anyway, figuring people would understand, from the way I wrote about Ralphie Boy, that he wasn't a muse in that sense of the term. He's simply a major character in a novel I'm working on right now, my first, as a matter of fact. The only sense in which he's a "muse" is that he's the character through which my story is being told. It's his story and, as other writers of novels will attest, he tells me through a sort of interview process who he is and what he wants to say.
In essence, Ralphie Boy is a guy who has sort of been birthed, if you will, from the many interactions I had with friends in the homeless community, people whose lives have touched mine in such a powerful way that I have to write about their world. And I'm looking forward to doing so, through Ralphie Boy's eyes.
Now Ralphie Boy isn't the only character I'll likely write about. There will be others, too. Probably many of them. As many, perhaps, as there are characters on the streets of this world. I hope you'll want to listen to what they have to say. More than that, I hope you'll learn to love them as I have done.
My thanks to all the Ralphie Boys (and Ralphie Girls, for that matter) who have caused me to wrestle with the deep issues of life and become more "real" in the process. It's to you my novels are dedicated and from you that they spring.
Here's the reason why: Ralphie Boy freaked out a few people, and got some folks thinking I'd totally fallen off the evangelical bandwagon. One of them even stopped talking to me. (Phew! I knew this blog would get me in hot water with some people, but I never thought they'd stop talking to me in real life. Golly!)
Probably calling him my muse is what got me in so much trouble. You see, in some quarters, muses carry some pretty heavy demonic overtones. I guess I kinda knew that. In fact, yeah, I did. But I thought I'd take the risk anyway, figuring people would understand, from the way I wrote about Ralphie Boy, that he wasn't a muse in that sense of the term. He's simply a major character in a novel I'm working on right now, my first, as a matter of fact. The only sense in which he's a "muse" is that he's the character through which my story is being told. It's his story and, as other writers of novels will attest, he tells me through a sort of interview process who he is and what he wants to say.
In essence, Ralphie Boy is a guy who has sort of been birthed, if you will, from the many interactions I had with friends in the homeless community, people whose lives have touched mine in such a powerful way that I have to write about their world. And I'm looking forward to doing so, through Ralphie Boy's eyes.
Now Ralphie Boy isn't the only character I'll likely write about. There will be others, too. Probably many of them. As many, perhaps, as there are characters on the streets of this world. I hope you'll want to listen to what they have to say. More than that, I hope you'll learn to love them as I have done.
My thanks to all the Ralphie Boys (and Ralphie Girls, for that matter) who have caused me to wrestle with the deep issues of life and become more "real" in the process. It's to you my novels are dedicated and from you that they spring.
Some Mighty Desperate Men Out There
Back in 1998 and 1999, when I first forayed into the world of cyber-relationships, the waters were pretty calm. Just prior to that, God had spoken to me very clearly that He had a marriage partner picked out for me. If you know my history at all, you realize how out of the blue that was.
Back in my late 20s, God had given me an unshakeable contentment in my singleness and an ability to see my single years, be they temporary or permanent, as a huge gift for knowing Him, loving Him and serving Him. So, in my 40s, when I came back from one of my longer short-term missions ventures and asked Him what His next "project" was for me, marriage was totally off the radar. There wasn't anyone even remotely on the horizon. But, just like I'd known God was speaking when He led me in various other aspects of my life, I knew He was speaking about marriage to me now. All I had to do now was wait and see how this whole thing transpired.
That's when I started "testing the waters" in Christian chat rooms, where I met a lot of terrific people -- both guys and gals -- most of them very serious about the Lord and who enjoyed sharing where God had them right now and where He might be taking them. I even met a few guys who became great friends and one of them turned out to be my husband.
After my husband died, I got involved again with a few singles ministries in our area. I was in no hurry to meet anyone. The contentment I'd always had in the single life returned. I hosted a bible study for singles in my home and just enjoyed my life. Six years later, with a growing desire to live nearer my mom and siblings, I moved back home.
I loved being with all of them, but it also started creating a longing in me for another spouse. Since I'd "found love" once before via the Internet, I tried plying those waters once again. What I found totally shocked me. No longer was I meeting people who were willing to get to know people at a normal pace. I was meeting some very desperate men. Guys who chatted with you for just a couple of hours and "bing, bang, boom", they were professing undying love. I'd have chalked it up to "just one wierdo" if it happened only once. But it happened to me three different times! And each one of them was as intensely "overboard" as the one before them. Very strange...and very sad.
I'm sure that not all men, or all women, who are in the "singles looking for a mate" category are as "marked" as the ones I met were, nor am I going to advise every person reading this to stay away from Internet relationships. For me, however, and for now, I'm going back to my contented single life. If and when God decides to bring me another spouse (and I really don't care, one way or the other; I really am content just being with Him), I'll let Him do the nudging, the leading and the guiding. Until then, desperados, stay away from my door!
Back in my late 20s, God had given me an unshakeable contentment in my singleness and an ability to see my single years, be they temporary or permanent, as a huge gift for knowing Him, loving Him and serving Him. So, in my 40s, when I came back from one of my longer short-term missions ventures and asked Him what His next "project" was for me, marriage was totally off the radar. There wasn't anyone even remotely on the horizon. But, just like I'd known God was speaking when He led me in various other aspects of my life, I knew He was speaking about marriage to me now. All I had to do now was wait and see how this whole thing transpired.
That's when I started "testing the waters" in Christian chat rooms, where I met a lot of terrific people -- both guys and gals -- most of them very serious about the Lord and who enjoyed sharing where God had them right now and where He might be taking them. I even met a few guys who became great friends and one of them turned out to be my husband.
After my husband died, I got involved again with a few singles ministries in our area. I was in no hurry to meet anyone. The contentment I'd always had in the single life returned. I hosted a bible study for singles in my home and just enjoyed my life. Six years later, with a growing desire to live nearer my mom and siblings, I moved back home.
I loved being with all of them, but it also started creating a longing in me for another spouse. Since I'd "found love" once before via the Internet, I tried plying those waters once again. What I found totally shocked me. No longer was I meeting people who were willing to get to know people at a normal pace. I was meeting some very desperate men. Guys who chatted with you for just a couple of hours and "bing, bang, boom", they were professing undying love. I'd have chalked it up to "just one wierdo" if it happened only once. But it happened to me three different times! And each one of them was as intensely "overboard" as the one before them. Very strange...and very sad.
I'm sure that not all men, or all women, who are in the "singles looking for a mate" category are as "marked" as the ones I met were, nor am I going to advise every person reading this to stay away from Internet relationships. For me, however, and for now, I'm going back to my contented single life. If and when God decides to bring me another spouse (and I really don't care, one way or the other; I really am content just being with Him), I'll let Him do the nudging, the leading and the guiding. Until then, desperados, stay away from my door!
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